humor

"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."

"We’ll never survive!” “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has."

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?"

"My daughter doesn't even get my humor. She's like, 'Um, no. I don't get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.'"

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

"First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here."

"Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance. If you saw a man repeatedly running into a wall until he was a bloody pulp, after a while it would make you laugh because it becomes absurd."

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."

"Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it."

"I am a man, and men do not drink pink drinks. Now, be gone, woman, and fetch me something brown."Jace said. "Brown?"said Isabelle."Yes. Brown. It's a manly color. See? Alec is wearing it."Jace said."Well, it was black but it faded."Alec said."Well, I can always fix it up with something sparkly,"Magnus said, holding a sparkley headband. "Resist the urge, Alec, resist the urge."Simon said."

"My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities...like the ability to behave myself."

"I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it."

"I had no desire to hear another woman tell my boyfriend how hot he was. If I wanted him to know, I'd damn well tell him myself."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"We have to be back in three hours,"Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again.""This,"Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you."

"Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care."

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff."

"I’ve only been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky finger. I could have held up my index finger, but I wasn’t in love that long."

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."

"Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully."