humor

"I love puns. I've been known to turn the car around just to take advantage of a good pun situation. It really is the highest form of humor."

"Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it."

"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."

"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."

"Working on newspapers, you're writing to a certain length, often very brief pieces; you tend to look for easy forms of humor - women can't drive, things like that. That's about the level of a lot of newspaper humor. It becomes a form of laziness."

"Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry"said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron's raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying "oh you know what I mean - Goyle's Potion looked like bogies."

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."

"You know how spooky Ashwini is. She called an hour ago to tell me she has a secret stash of handheld grenade launchers she thought I might want to know about. My response was, 'What the fuck?"

"Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?""Only once"said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—""I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—""Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—"

"If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it."

"I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore."

"Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet."

"Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?"

"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."

"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."

"When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous."

"Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,"said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again."

"The 'Twilight' movies are great in their own right, but they certainly don't have any sense of humor to them."

"Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you."

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."