#humor

"We’ll never survive!” “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has."

"My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way"

"You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn't a bad mood at all; it's just your sucky personality."

"You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street."

"The 3 Most Powerful Words in the English Language for Every College Student [3w] Ilovepizza"

"That does it,"said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year.""Why?"Isabelle said."So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means."

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?"

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"She said she loved me, and I believed her, because she was looking directly at another man when she said it."

"I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners."

"The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day."

"I must be besotted,” he said evenly. “I have the imbecilic idea that you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Except for your coiffure,” he added, with a disgusted glance at the coils and plumes and pearls. “That is ghastly.”She scowled. “Your romantic effusions leave me breathless."

"I belong, and my penis, it be long."

"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."

"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."

"Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies."

"Riley : "Do you want to claw at me, kitty-cat? Come on."Mercy: "Sorry, I don't beat defenseless puppies."

"Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.Cool."

"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."

"I make love like my afternoon shadow is long. I'll bring the foreplay, if you bring the guacamole. (Yes, I know there is a 99-cent upcharge.)"