#word-junkies

"He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party."

"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."

"I meet people to know I’m not alone. I network like an astronaut on the moon."

"I count as blessings things I could have benefited from, even if I neglected to utilize them. A gift is still a gift, even if left wrapped and unopened."

"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"

"I went to a potluck. I brought my own pot—and luck. The pot was empty, just like my promise to bring food the next time."

"Networking is like fishing. Just give some beer and a boat and I’ll be in business."

"The fragrance of romance is gratitude. Nothing says I love you like saying I love you. Sure, it’s better to show your love, but why not also say it?"

"Let’s be romantic and dance in the rain. I’ll prove my feelings for you by bringing an umbrella, because I’m drowning in my love for you."

"I love sleepwalking, because when else would I get to combine exercise and rest?"

"I drive as fast as four tire swings hanging from a tree branch in the middle of winter. I also make love with as much speed and rotation."

"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."

"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."

"Self-growth comes from being nurtured, not tortured. I had to learn this the hard way. On sale now: Iron Maiden. Only used once."

"Mainstream news wants to keep you as a useful idiot. Instead, try being a non-useful idiot."

"I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity."

"The sunset sky fades from blue to orange over Gainesville, Florida, and what I lost is less than what I gained. I gained love, I lost love, and if could do it all again, I would."

"I have two ears, so why can’t I listen to two things at once? A politician only has one mouth, yet doublespeaks all the time."

"The curve of her smile, the curve of the small of her back, the curve of her laugh, everything about her makes me want to be more well-rounded."

"A Dragon Rose is a flying flower that breathes fire. A relationship isn’t truly a romance if there isn’t a tiny element of danger involved."