#word-junkies

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"Is there a drug that will illuminate the mind and eliminate all the drugs the modern medical system will try to convince you that you need to take?"

"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."

"I’m a little more reserved in person than people expect. But I warm up quickly, like leftovers. Meatloaf, anyone?"

"I have rubbed shoulders with the rich, the powerful, and the armless. It’s how to network when handshakes aren’t an option."

"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."

"I’ll sit on a soda and drink a sofa. It’s just healthier. You should see how I make love. Show starts at 8:00. Tickets are ten bucks at the window."

"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."

"My love is powdered sunshine. Just add water. (Warning: Do NOT attempt to snort it or distribute as a healthy cocaine substitute.)"

"There’s sleep to be found here, and I’m going to find it—with my eyes closed. I’m like Sherlock Holmes meets Helen Keller. #Networking"

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."

"When she’s cuddled close, I feel there’s nothing I can’t do, and I can’t do nothing about it, because my heart is her heart for as long as she wants it."

"My shadow follows me during the day, and then surrounds me at night as it clones itself into complete darkness. Now that’s self-love."

"Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer."

"I’ve changed, and she’s changed, but we haven’t changed together. We were in separate dressing rooms the whole time we dated."

"Once you finish having sex, what is there to do but start over?"

"She had eyes like sunsets, and every time she blinked it felt like the end of the world, otherwise known as night."

"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"

"Every day I type out my dream scribbles from the night before, looking for treasure buried deep in my subconscious."