Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."

"I am my own clone. I’m not who I was yesterday, but then again I am."

"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"

"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."

"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."