Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"

"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"If religion is a crutch, then society is the broken foot."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."

"I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead."

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."

"If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."