Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."

"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."

"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."

"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"

"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."

"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."