"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
JA
Jarod Kintz, $3.33
69 quotes
Quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."
"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"
"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."
"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."
"I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."