Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A nugget of wisdom is more valuable than a nugget of gold—and considerably harder to pan out of a river. I’ll be 33 in March, and all I’ve found so far is fool’s gold. Still, I was able to trade it for political favors."

"What is the shape of love? Is it shaped like you? For me it is, but for you maybe it is shaped like me."

"My heart only grows more powerful the more my flowing love goes unabsorbed, unobserved, and unappreciated."

"I make love like my afternoon shadow is long. I'll bring the foreplay, if you bring the guacamole. (Yes, I know there is a 99-cent upcharge.)"

"I count as blessings things I could have benefited from, even if I neglected to utilize them. A gift is still a gift, even if left wrapped and unopened."

"A sofa on an elevator would be like a slow roller coaster where you get to work on your small talk skills. Oh yes, I am an adrenaline junky."

"I am the coffee, and God is The Barista. Through me, he may awaken your soul. But the coffee knows not what flows through the mind of The Barista."

"Peanut butter and jelly is like the older, more serious brother to egg salad sandwich. I’m an only child, so I eat both with incredible sadness."

"Be mindful and heartempty, because you've got no love left in it due to you having given it all away."

"My love has a flow like a flower, so it’s best if you water it with the fragrance of romance, which has the aroma of loyalty."

"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."

"My acquaintances aren’t worth the aqua I drink after they leave me thirsting for something more meaningful. I don’t want refillable relationships—I want connections so deep they are black abysses."

"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."

"I have a Rubik’s Cube for a heart, and my love for you is no puzzle. Through twists and spins, life can only get more colorful."

"Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become invisible. I network like the ghost of a chameleon."

"When you’re embarrassed, you turn red. When I blush, I turn plaid. I network at kilt conventions, so even if I say something awkward I still look cool."

"I went for a walk this morning because the evening was still asleep. Well technically so was I, but that didn’t stop me from exercising."

"In middle school, I got picked on a lot. But boy, it sure felt good to get picked, because who doesn’t like to get chosen and called out as special?"

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"Patience is so valuable I'm willing to wait forever to achieve it. And while I wait, I may as well get busy being short-tempered."