Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"The going rate for love is going away. And the more you go away, the more expensive it gets."

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"She plants love, and she grows roses. The fragrance of romance comes from the blossom that blooms in the heart."

"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"

"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"

"White letters plus white paper equals invisibility. Just because you can’t see my love for you, doesn’t mean I didn’t write about it."

"My hands will get dirty holding your rose-shaped heart, because love is like gardening—it’s earthy and takes work to keep it alive."

"My knowledge is mine to use as I see fit. But I’m way too out of shape to see fit."

"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."

"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."

"Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff."

"My reality is it’s nighttime. The truth is I’m just blindfolded. How many people live like me, in self-deluded darkness?"

"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."

"I like coffee tables. I’m into drinkable furniture."

"I realize all guys have thorns. But I am a rose, and she chose a cactus over me. I wish her luck with her dry, desert-like existence with him."

"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."

"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."

"I knocked on her door twice. The second time was from the inside. That’s how love works. At first you want in, and then you want out."

"#Networking is people looking for people looking for people. As for me, I’m more of a birdwatcher."

"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."