Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone."

"Telephone pole wires get in the way of great photos. Communication always gets in the way of communication."

"Lying in bed listless, I wrote a list. I then had a list, but I was still listless. Perhaps because my list was of all the things I love, and every entry was you."

"My I love you was a measured response, like one gallon of coffee in one cup of sugar. It was just overflowing with an awakening of my soul."

"If you converted a water fountain into a fire fountain, then you’d have what it takes to stoke the heat I have for you in my heart."

"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."

"Who we were and who we are are four different people, and the me from now doesn't relate to the me from then, let alone to the you from now."

"New streets should be Twitter friendly and be named with hashtags up front. I’d build a house on ‪#‎LoversLane‬."

"Flowers are aromatic and romantic, and they grow exactly the way love does—with plenty of light, and watered with affection."

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"My cup is full of air. I should empty it and fill it with love. Or coffee, as the two are synonymous to me."

"I want a moon canoe, because have you ever tried paddling through dirt? Love is a journey, and I try to travel as efficiently as I can."

"A Dragon Rose is a flying flower that breathes fire. A relationship isn’t truly a romance if there isn’t a tiny element of danger involved."

"If you fear rejection, you won’t embrace acceptance. But don’t push yourself onto others, because they won’t pull you close."

"I was gardening when I saw this snail/slug thing disguised as a leaf. Ah, isn't fall a wonderful time to slowly fall in love?"

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."

"Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power."

"It’s not who you know that matters—it’s who knows you that’s important. Personal branding builds up your reputation to the point where you have a presence even in your absence."

"White letters plus white paper equals invisibility. Just because you can’t see my love for you, doesn’t mean I didn’t write about it."

"I’ll wear a maze on a necklace, dangling over my chest, because if you want to get at my heart, you have to be ready to lose yourself."