Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Most scars are invisible. Damn transparent knives. Does anything cut deeper than love? I need to get some new body armor."

"Now that I’m 33.3 years old, the days of blue and green are behind me. I have left the earthy and entered into the purple phase of my life."

"Telephone pole wires get in the way of great photos. Communication always gets in the way of communication."

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"

"Just when you thought you’d considered all the angles, life goes from a square to a cube. Love should also be 3D."

"My coffee cup is empty. Why don't you pour your love in and wake up my soul?"

"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."

"I chased the chaste, and they got scared and scurried. Then I stood still and loved where I was at, and all approached without fear of reproach."

"Today we’re living in an anti-Waldo world, where you don’t want to blend in and have people struggle to find you. You want your personal brand to stand out like you’re wearing a red and white sweater, and everyone else has on black."

"Apparently I’m transparent—with my feelings, not with my body. I’m an emotional ghost, and if you can’t see my love for you it’s because it’s dead."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"

"Between Portland and Seattle is a mint factory, and they made sweets like we made sweet love, and America needs more manufacturers like us."

"When her boyfriend broke his leg, I knew it was my chance to ask her to dance. So I put down my baseball bat and approached her like Babe Ruth."

"My reality is it’s nighttime. The truth is I’m just blindfolded. How many people live like me, in self-deluded darkness?"

"If you need me I’ll be sitting over there, on the ground, next to the empty chair. The emptiness always reminds me of your love."

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"Opportunity is not your opponent—it is your ally, but it’s hard to see that because opportunity is often camouflaged and hidden among danger and chaos."

"He’s right-handed, so I told him to draw his self-portrait with his left hand, because it’d look so ugly it’d look realistic. Since he’s a DC politician, I figured a little reality was needed in his life."