funny

"Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else."

"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"

"Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers."

"1. You left a multipack of Mars Bars on top of your wardrobe. Can I have one? Dad x2. I had three. Hope that's OK. Dad x3. I'm just going to have one more. Dad x4. Harriet, your Dad's made himself sick on an entire multipack of Mars Bars again. Please don't leave sweets where we can find them. A x"

"Are you okay?"I (Cassie) call up to him."Um. Define okay."(Ben)"Okay means you're not bleeding to death.""I'm okay."

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."

"What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name"

"It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless."

"Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals."

"Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for."

"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."

"I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist."

"Sometimes a symbol holds more power than the thing it represents. Like the symbol for Thing, the one I created that is confusing and abstract and makes people ask, What is that thing? And I always reply, “If you already knew, why did you ask?"

"I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me."

"Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with the 100-pound sack of manure he kept buckled up in the passenger seat. Grandpa said all they ever talked about was grass, but I know Grandpa used to do a little flirting, too."

"Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait."

"Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire,"he said. "You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin. She's interesting when she's forthright."Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps."

"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."

"With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."