#humor

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor."

"When he finished, he drank from the cup. Everyone else did too, so I followed suit.And nearly choked to death.It was like fire in liquid form. It took every ounce of strength I had to swallow it and not spray it on those around me."Wh...what is this?"I asked, coughing.Viktoria grinned. "Vodka."I peered at the glass. "No, it isn't. I've had vodka before.""Not Russian vodka."Apparently not."

"Valentine's Day 1 [10w] Valentine's Day affirms the promise that love can be sustained."

"I mined my mind, and I found no love. My heart is where excavation yields gold, and if you dig me as much as I dig you, we can both get rich."

"It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.'""That's great,"Lana said."Invincible. I can't be vinced.""That's not even a word,"Lana said."Go ahead: try to vince me,"Sanjit said."

"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?"

"Till Death Do You Part [10w] Marriage will indeed change people ~for better or for worse."

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab wound."

"Frivolous Gossip and Poetry It's just so much frivolous gossip to dwell upon the moral merits of a poet;what should only concern the reader is the merit of his words.Leave moral judgments to the preachers and aesthetic judgments to the critical readers."

"Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery."

"Do I look stupid?"snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache."

"If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian."

"Percy was getting tired of water.If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Poseidon’s Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn’t care."

"I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it."

"The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life."

"Rotaryrotatory In a universe composed wholly of revolving doors we'll have no need for gatekeepers or tipping doormen at Christmas."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

"Inconceivable!""You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."