#sales

"I should open up a dry cleaners/pizza parlor. Extra Stain Sauce will be free, but removing it out of your clothes will cost you."

"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."

"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."

"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"Everyone is a salesman, and the product is each person. Personal branding is being conscious to the continual nature of selling yourself."

"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."

"I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!"

"Is your Happy Meal full of dancing? Put a box around it and sell it to kids. They could use the exercise."

"I peddle my wares as fast as I pedal my bicycle and petal my flowers, and that’s why my sales growth seems so slow. But given time, my brand will be in full bloom."

"Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable."

"I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)"

"I should combine a car bumper with a belt, for a fashion accessory that’s safe for office romances. Powdered love poetry sold separately."

"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."

"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."

"That point in the sky where yellow meets blue, that’s a handshake I want to see at a #networking event. Sunglasses sold separately."

"You don’t need batteries for an introduction. Buy my Networking in a Box today and see for yourself. (Handshakes sold separately.)"

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."

"A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement."