#word-junkies

"I just bought some cargo pants, so I can deliver goods at the speed of a walk. It’s an environmentally friendly #startup."

"Your personal brand should be like water: not only clear, but transparent to the public. People thirst for that, and they will drink you up."

"Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Some trees live to be hundreds of years old, and what the fuck do they know?"

"It was a cold night, so I got a fire going. I lit a scented candle."

"I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy."

"Behold, the number five is at hand. Grab it and shake and harness the power of networking."

"Now that I’m 33.3 years old, the days of blue and green are behind me. I have left the earthy and entered into the purple phase of my life."

"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."

"My heart is burning a hole in my chest and every time you speak to me, it keeps sinking, and I'm left with nothing but ashes. I wish she were talking to me, because the more she speaks to me, the more my heart flutters like a rising phoenix.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz"

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."

"Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast."

"Treasure isn’t always gold, silver, and gems. Sometimes it’s furry and purring. Happy Cuddle-with-your-cat Day!"

"Squeeze out the competition—with hugs. I’m giving out FREE hugs while samples last. After that I’ll have to charge an arm and a leg—or maybe just two arms."

"Silver is an investment. It’s like a second-place future. Makes me want to create Michael Phelps-flavored ice cream and eat a whole tub."

"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."

"What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment."

"I bought a faucet, but water wasn’t included. That’s like when you buy my love—it’s dirty and used, but soap isn’t included."

"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."

"I thirst for love like a camel thirsts for water. I’m going through a desert right now, but I’m searching for the oasis of my life."