#word-junkies

"When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love."

"If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning."

"White letters plus white paper equals invisibility. Just because you can’t see my love for you, doesn’t mean I didn’t write about it."

"To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken."

"I’ll be your Dostoevsky, if you’ll be my Tolstoy. Our life together will be so full of despair that death will be like a gulag full of joy."

"Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Some trees live to be hundreds of years old, and what the fuck do they know?"

"I have a Rubik’s Cube for a rearview mirror, because the past is the only time puzzle I can solve. My love for her only looks clear there."

"Do you want some fresh tomato soup to go? I’ll put it in a mesh strainer. Oh, if only love were as easy to contain as soup in a strainer."

"I should open up a dry cleaners/pizza parlor. Extra Stain Sauce will be free, but removing it out of your clothes will cost you."

"I don’t like breakfast, because I like things fixed and slow. Let’s just take our relationship morning by morning."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"The only problem with dreaming is it's a solo activity. Imagine how glorious life would be if we could share dreams and create in unison."

"He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party."

"Poor is the man who thinks money makes him wealthy. Love is the true treasure, and the more you give away, the more you have."

"The words “I love you” swim and swarm as they swirl and form fluidly, and if you are thirsty then how I feel about you is an extra large—with free refills."

"I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)"

"Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"A squeegee is a sponge on a stick, and if there is a tangible item that’s more romantic, I don’t know what it is. Never go on a first date without one."