#word-junkies

"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."

"I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her."

"The lungs are fishing nets for smoke, and I inhaled her essence like she was marijuana grown just for me."

"You used to love me. Let me help jog your memory by buying you some running shoes. The shoes will be wooden, and nailed to the floor."

"I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy."

"When I lost her I gained the future, because she was my past, and she freed me to become who I was born to be."

"Teach me to dance and I'll show you how to make love to music. The first 30 minutes are free, but after that I'm gonna have to charge you."

"Do you know how much laughter is in a single bag of chips? Enough to feed a seriously starved midget for a week. Now with 33.3% reduced fat!"

"I’m an all-the-water-I-can-drink-in-a-flower-vase kind of lover. Roses and batteries sold separately."

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."

"Under the guise of being nice guys, the central bankers have done to the people what no army in history has been evil enough to do."

"I wish I could grow swords like I can roses. Wouldn’t war be so romantic then? Then the U.S. could really show the world how much it loves it."

"We had a whirlwind romance. That’s what happens when you date a tornado. Hold on, I have to stop tweeting for a bit because Kansas keeps calling."

"I match my pajamas to my comforter so I can disappear into sleep. I’m camouflaged into noonexistence, where I don’t wake up until 12:00 PM."

"Using my nipples as bait, I went fishing for compliments. I got a few bites, but nothing to write about in Field & Stream."

"Relax. Just be. And be just."

"Telephone pole wires get in the way of great photos. Communication always gets in the way of communication."

"I loved her, she loved him, and he loved himself. Now she loves me, he loves her, and I love myself as I am—without her in my life."

"I had a dream about you. Our relationship faded from red to white, and somewhere in the middle, in the pink zone, I told you I loved you and you returned it. However, at white, our relationship went black and I sought red in the arms of another woman."

"I just bought a bag of poetry, but it was mostly air. The author must have learned from the potato chip industry."