#word-junkies

"I like knocking on strangers’ doors, and when they answer and say hello, I respond, “I have returned, as prophesied.” Then I just stand there staring at them."

"I’m an all-the-water-I-can-drink-in-a-flower-vase kind of lover. Roses and batteries sold separately."

"I know I'm not going to be in your head all the time. But once you know me, I'll be forever in your heart."

"I hide how I feel, and I hide the fact that I hide how I feel, but I can't bury the past without having a funeral of the heart."

"I grew a garden in her heart. There was plenty of space for flowers, because her heart was completely empty of love."

"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."

"I remember her words about remembering my words, and that’s when it hit me: the quickest way to scalpel open a heart is with a declaration of love."

"Personal branding is crucial in today's society. Just remember to wait until the metal is red hot before pressing it into your flesh."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"After soul searching, I found myself. Then I found myself giving of myself to a charity that finds missing children. It's great to be found."

"Microwavable ice cream is the future. Don’t wait for love to melt all over your crotch. Scoop some Ice Cream Soup today."

"Telephone pole wires get in the way of great photos. Communication always gets in the way of communication."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"My life is but a firefly’s flicker, so I’d better use my brief moment to light up the darkness that covers her path."

"We had a whirlwind romance. That’s what happens when you date a tornado. Hold on, I have to stop tweeting for a bit because Kansas keeps calling."

"I realize all guys have thorns. But I am a rose, and she chose a cactus over me. I wish her luck with her dry, desert-like existence with him."

"Life is about having an attitude of gratitude. And grabitude. Seriously, you’ve got to take stuff. What, do you think someone’s just going to hand you what you want?"

"Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer."

"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."

"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."