#word-junkies

"You can’t win in love. But if you could, I’d be the clear victor. Vodka is also clear, and I must be drunk."

"Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become invisible. I network like the ghost of a chameleon."

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."

"Love is a Heaven Cake, with clouds for icing. If there are two pieces left, I guess I can have seconds."

"I watered your memory every day to keep it alive, and after all this time it's like a tall cypress tree rooted deep in the St. John's River."

"Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business."

"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."

"Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me."

"I fight like a rocking chair in a boxing ring. That’s also how I make love. I should probably sell popcorn at my shows to boost revenue."

"Pepperonis are like edible polkadots. I made you a pizza dress, but I’m ashamed to admit I burned it. I’m afraid you’ll have to dance naked."

"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."

"I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"Finger food, is that food you eat with your fingers, or is that where you eat your fingers? I’m starving, but I also want to play the piano, so I need to know."

"If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning."

"Free running is wall dancing, and that’s why I do my best moves while sitting in a rocking chair. I like to relax dangerously."

"The lungs are fishing nets for smoke, and I inhaled her essence like she was marijuana grown just for me."

"I could be in the middle of a spiritual hurricane, my soul torn and tormented, but when I see you smile it's blue skies for miles. You give me a tsunami of emotions, and my heart is trying to find peace through crashing waves, but they always end up in a cyclone that never dies.-Jarod Kintz and Karen Quan"