#word-junkies

"To me, impulsive means foolish. But if a person’s not a little impulsive, they don’t have a pulse."

"I just bought some cargo pants, so I can deliver goods at the speed of a walk. It’s an environmentally friendly #startup."

"Spelling Bees are useless and unnecessary competitions. Before Microsoft Word and Google, Spelling Bees had value, but now they are all superflewus."

"I make friends as easily as water freezes in an active volcano. Remember: handshakes feel more natural if you leave your rubber gloves at home. Unless you enjoy networking in public restrooms."

"The heart pumps blood, a fluid, but it also pulses love, which is as liquid as a wave, and everyone wants a refill. My goal is to be a server."

"I think a cool #startup would be a company that makes Finish line tape, for marathons. In the long run, it could be very profitable."

"Trying to hide my feelings to avoid getting hurt just ends up hurting not only myself—but also the person I am hiding my feelings from."

"You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my legs."

"Steel wool—it’s not just for washing dirty dishes. It also makes great underwear material. It’ll cure that itch to take on a lover by making you scratch."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"I'll miss looking through the forest–your green and hazel eyes. I love the way they shimmered and changed shade with your mood, and how I could see the desire in your emerald gaze.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz"

"I had a dream about you. You took a cruise, and I took a canoe. I paddled alongside your ship out into the Atlantic Ocean and down to the Caribbean. I shouted “I love you” the whole way, but you couldn’t hear me, probably because that man you were with was talking the whole time."

"I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep."

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"

"Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese."

"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."

"Logos on designer clothes don't make me feel like I've got a strong personal brand. No clothes make the man. Even wearing no clothes I'm still me."

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"