Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"The scent of Florida honeysuckle uplifted in a spring breeze reminds me of your love, and how fresh it was until it blew past me into my past."

"You don’t need to have a fight before great sex. I can keep my cool and still bring the heat every time."

"I went to Hallmark, but they don’t sell corridors there. I did, however, find a card that perfectly summed up our relationship. The card was blank."

"I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist."

"We had a lavender kind of love, so soothing and smooth, and if I could bottle up what we had, you'd want it all over your body."

"A woman I had sex with is carrying my child, because God has made it so that my hands are full. They’re full of hope for the future."

"Instead of reciting her an original love poem using words, I think I’ll use my tongue to more creatively explore the deepest parts of her."

"Quit making shade while I’m trying to make noon. Go put on a blindfold and act like midnight. There’s leftover love in the freezer if you get cold."

"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."

"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"

"I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is."

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."

"My love is powdered sunshine. Just add water. (Warning: Do NOT attempt to snort it or distribute as a healthy cocaine substitute.)"

"You are not your body. You are the sum of all your actions, and they live on after your body dies. You may be mortal, but your brand is eternal."

"Wisdom is knowing when you are being patient, and when you are wasting time by waiting."

"I walked to work. I paced up and down the bus looking for a seat. Next time I walk to work I’m getting on my treadmill."

"Nothing carries meaning. People carry meaning. We are the porters of importance."

"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."

"I arose like a rose, and this is how I knew I was in love. In the garden of life, I’m better off in your neighbor’s yard."

"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."