#Funny

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"The human body is the best work of art."

"I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from today's trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon."

"Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless"

"You…you got rid of that dress fast,"I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it.""I do like it,"he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."And then he took me to the bed."

"Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't."

"As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as I wriggled down under the soft old sheets and the blanket and the comforter, if Eric had designs on me, I was just too tired to care."Woman?""Hmmm?""What's your name?""Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse.""Thank you, Sookie.""Welcome, Eric."

"If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother."

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious."

"She moved to pinch me again but I blocked her hand. I'm no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I'm pretty sure that's flirting."

"Dee loves it here. Before you came, she spent most of her days here."To Daemon, my arrival was the beginning of the end. The apocalypse. Kat-mageddon. "You know, I'm not going to get your sister in trouble.""We'll see."

"To be, or not to be: what a question!"

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"Suspicion,"he said. "Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. He's a genius.""Starring Cary Grant."When Lucas gave me a look, I added, "You have your priorities, I have mine."

"If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping."

"Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it"

"Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny."

"I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes."

"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."