#Funny

"When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive part of a person's sensibility. It's an almost impossible thing to teach anyone, which leads me to believe that it's intuitive."

"I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable."

"Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore."

"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."

"Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait."

"The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

"I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way."

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."

"The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies."

"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."

"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?"

"Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?"he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?"

"I think I exist, therefore I exist. I think."

"Believe me, It would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child."

"And then he said the next time he sees me the gloves are coming off. I said, "Doc, that‘s no way to perform a prostrate exam."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago."

"If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for."

"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."