#Funny

"He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.''What you got on it?' the girl said.'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.''Haw, haw,' the girl said politely."

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."

"Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped,"he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?""Frank!"Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it.""Kissed a couple of times,"Percy said.Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping!"

"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here,"so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies."And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth."

"I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor."

"I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater."

"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."

"hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,"I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you,"he says."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100."

"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."

"In this world only the paranoid survive."

"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"

"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."

"You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"Alright, good night,” he said, his words a little slurred. “But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat."

"Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run!"

"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."

"My father sacrificed his life for our family when I was growing up. He was one of the bravest, wisest, and most unselfish goats I have ever known, and I will miss his cheese dearly."