#Funny

"Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right."

"When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive part of a person's sensibility. It's an almost impossible thing to teach anyone, which leads me to believe that it's intuitive."

"I've got the Mark of Cain,"said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?""You can kill yourself,"Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't.""There goes my Saturday."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open."

"Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!"

"Sometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky."

"When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future."

"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."

"I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield."

"Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes."

"I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs."

"Life is never all one thing. It bounces around. Certainly, my own life has. Look at Woody Allen's funny movies - all the humor comes out of sad stuff. Sometimes you have to laugh, no matter what life deals you."

"A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas."

"I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs."

"I don’t want to freeze my eggs. I don’t want to visit a sperm bank. I don’t want to be a single parent, if I have any choice in the matter. I want a nuclear family. I want to put down roots, to let my seeds germinate, to watch them bloom and flourish. Not one day, if and when I ever fall in love again, but now. While I still have my youth, damn it."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"Puns are the highest form of literature."

"Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?"

"Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously."