#Strange

"For me, I really love 'Tim and Eric' and 'Dr. Steve Brule' and a lot of the Adult Swim shows, so I like strange, weird, sometimes slightly upsetting humor."

"Not only is the Universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think."

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley)."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."

"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."

"I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable."

"When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."

"There is something inexpressibly sad in the thought of the children who crossed the ocean with the Pilgrims and the fathers of Jamestown, New Amsterdam, and Boston, and the infancy of those born in the first years of colonial life in this strange new world."

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."