#Strange

"01210 is a pyramid, & worms move like handicapped snakes. My dream belongs in a wheelchair, because I just spilled coffee all over my sleep."

"Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it on my wall, and started claiming it was an exotic animal I killed on a Safari in Africa. I'd like to believe people believe me, on account of it being so strange that it has to be true."

"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."

"When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it."

"Tis strange,-but true; for truth is always strange;Stranger than fiction: if it could be told,How much would novels gain by the exchange!How differently the world would men behold!"

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor."