#Strange

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"For me, I really love 'Tim and Eric' and 'Dr. Steve Brule' and a lot of the Adult Swim shows, so I like strange, weird, sometimes slightly upsetting humor."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it."

"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"You say freak, I say unique."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"I've thought a lot about success, because it's very strange to me that I've been successful."

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."