#word-junkies

"Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business."

"Prophesies are dark and don’t need a flashlight to illuminate. I’m a bring my own lighthouse kind of lover."

"Better than learning how to speak a foreign language, is to start speaking the truth. But few people will listen, because they just don’t understand."

"When I lost her I gained the future, because she was my past, and she freed me to become who I was born to be."

"I drive as fast as four tire swings hanging from a tree branch in the middle of winter. I also make love with as much speed and rotation."

"I have two ears, so why can’t I listen to two things at once? A politician only has one mouth, yet doublespeaks all the time."

"The heart pumps blood, a fluid, but it also pulses love, which is as liquid as a wave, and everyone wants a refill. My goal is to be a server."

"I sip my coffee like I fall in love—alone in a field of flowers, writing poetry for the mailman, who delivers love letters, but never gets any."

"The thirstiest bird is surely the swallow. My love is so fluid I’ll bet drinking it would give you the gift of flight."

"An empty ketchup bottle full of romantic quotes is just what I need to turn my cheeseburger into the perfect lover. Now you can get more romantic for an upcharge of just 69 cents."

"You used to love me. Let me help jog your memory by buying you some running shoes. The shoes will be wooden, and nailed to the floor."

"Lying in bed listless, I wrote a list. I then had a list, but I was still listless. Perhaps because my list was of all the things I love, and every entry was you."

"I see two women, one in a reflection in a window, and the other I see through the window, and it's like I'm looking at both my past and future at the same time."

"He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."

"It's a fact that men make more money than women. That's why I became a man. Best decision of my life."

"She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert."

"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."

"I know the X’s and O’s of football. I just don’t know the other 24 letters. And as a writer, this bothers me."