#word-junkies

"I held her gaze as I held her in my arms. With all that holding I couldn’t hold on to the moment, and it slipped past me into the lonely past."

"I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them."

"A tornado is the ultimate coffee grinder. Just add water, and you’ll wake the whole trailer park."

"I wish I could grow swords like I can roses. Wouldn’t war be so romantic then? Then the U.S. could really show the world how much it loves it."

"Microwavable ice cream is the future. Don’t wait for love to melt all over your crotch. Scoop some Ice Cream Soup today."

"I’ve only been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky finger. I could have held up my index finger, but I wasn’t in love that long."

"Networking isn’t synonymous with partying. If you’re doing it right, partying seems libraryesque in comparison."

"Every guy says he's not like every guy, thus proving he is like every guy. Show me a guy who's different, and I'll tell you to stop pointing at me."

"Either I will love you, or I will love you if and only if you love me in return. I prefer the former."

"I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep."

"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."

"The chair I want for my office has wheels, so I can put it on my treadmill and get some exercise while I work. Likewise, we can’t let a love like ours just roll on by without trying to work things out."

"I am Clap Man. It’s a reverse super power, because instead of me doing the heavy lifting, I just applaud and encourage and others do all the work."

"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."

"Her and I, we passed each other, and now she’s in my past. That’s one present I’d like to unwrap in the future."

"Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me."

"When you give everything and expect nothing in return, only then will you be in a position to gain anything. When you love loving, you give because giving is getting. Giving is a gift unto itself, and when you realize this you understand that you can’t network if you can’t love."

"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"I love deeply. I love long. I love wide and high. That's right, my love is interdimensional, and my vortex will heal your body and soul."