#Absurd

"Voodoo GirlHer skin is white cloth,and she's all sewn apartand she has many colored pinssticking out of her heart.She has many different zombieswho are deeply in her trance.She even has a zombiewho was originally from France.But she knows she has a curse on her,a curse she cannot win.For if someone getstoo close to her,the pins stick farther in."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable."

"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I just bought a bag of poetry, but it was mostly air. The author must have learned from the potato chip industry."

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"Children and dogs are the messengers of God some of us do not deserve them"

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."

"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."

"I need to be gentler, I said definitively to myself, as I clenched my fist and shook it in the air. Love takes flight like two powerful wings, but hits like a collection of feathers."

"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."

"In middle school, I got picked on a lot. But boy, it sure felt good to get picked, because who doesn’t like to get chosen and called out as special?"

"I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric."

"I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some."

"I smell blood and an era of prominent madmen."

"75% of my life is spent wasting time. The other 25% isn’t nearly as productive."

"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."