#Absurd

"The phrase ‘popular science’ has in itself a touch of absurdity. That knowledge which is popular is not scientific."

"My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling."

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."

"Voodoo GirlHer skin is white cloth,and she's all sewn apartand she has many colored pinssticking out of her heart.She has many different zombieswho are deeply in her trance.She even has a zombiewho was originally from France.But she knows she has a curse on her,a curse she cannot win.For if someone getstoo close to her,the pins stick farther in."

"The chair I want for my office has wheels, so I can put it on my treadmill and get some exercise while I work. Likewise, we can’t let a love like ours just roll on by without trying to work things out."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"Her dancing inspires me to move. I used to be like a statue, and now I am more like a mannequin. So much more fashionable, you know?"

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."

"At the age of four, I wanted to be eight. At the age of eight, I wanted to be 16. At the age of 16, when I started driving, I wanted to be a Ferrari. And now, at the age of middle, I want to be Stalin’s mustache and matching armpit hair. But only for personal reasons, not political."

"Using a mannequin and some rope, could you ride two bicycles at once? Next time, try three bikes. Then truly love someone, because that’s even harder."

"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."

"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."

"I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE."

"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."

"My skull needs a tornado inside, to clean out my thoughts. I’ll call Kansas tomorrow to see if I can rent one for the day."

"Absurdity is one of the most human things about us: a manifestation of our most advanced and interesting characteristics."

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."