#word-junkies

"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."

"When three women all ignore each other, and each ignores me, it reminds me of Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s definition of love. Love is isn’t—even when it isn’t."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"New streets should be Twitter friendly and be named with hashtags up front. I’d build a house on ‪#‎LoversLane‬."

"I bleed ink for her, because her name is written on my heart. She’s the author of all the love I have to give."

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"

"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."

"The curve of her smile, the curve of the small of her back, the curve of her laugh, everything about her makes me want to be more well-rounded."

"I strum a fishing pole line like a guitar string. I hunt like a bow and arrow is a partial harp. And I make love like I’ve got a Buy One Get One FREE coupon."

"Glue holds stuff together pretty well. But why not try using guitar music as an adhesive? After all, it’s held many bands together."

"The heart pumps blood, a fluid, but it also pulses love, which is as liquid as a wave, and everyone wants a refill. My goal is to be a server."

"An empty coffee cup is full of hope. Now there’s something worth voting for."

"Love is 60% water, because a human being, the essence of love, is 60% water. But that’s the other 40% made up of? Easy—mint green tea and honey."

"I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits."

"Everyone is a salesman, and the product is each person. Personal branding is being conscious to the continual nature of selling yourself."

"I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill."

"My heart is spinning. Love is a tornado. Will you be my Kansas?"

"I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed."

"Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine."