#word-junkies

"Love may make you feel blue, love may make you feel green, and sometimes love may even make you feel turquoise or teal. Depression and envy get all the pretty shades of description, and I love that, but in a pink/purple kind of way."

"Every day I type out my dream scribbles from the night before, looking for treasure buried deep in my subconscious."

"As a rule of thumb, hitchhiking is no fun. If you’re going to stand around waiting to move, you may as well get paid to hold a pawnshop sign."

"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."

"His hair isn’t turning gray—it’s turning silver, and it’s going up in value. Aging is the best hedge against an inflationary fiat currency."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

"Finger food, is that food you eat with your fingers, or is that where you eat your fingers? I’m starving, but I also want to play the piano, so I need to know."

"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."

"I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs."

"Her love stays with me wherever I go. That’s because I have it on a leash, like a dog, and I take it for walks like I do with my pet wheelchair."

"You haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen zero. You also haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen all the love I have for politicians."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"You may not be here with me now, but you've never left me, because I keep you close to my heart, and always on my mind. And I will sit under your shade forever, until I become a part of you, the way you are a part of me.-Jarod Kintz and Crystal Woods"

"If my last name were Hunter, I’d probably be a fisherman. That’s just the kind of lover I am."

"A squeegee is a sponge on a stick, and if there is a tangible item that’s more romantic, I don’t know what it is. Never go on a first date without one."

"I'm so popular in life that valets are already starting to park the cars lined up for my funeral, which is expected sometime late 2082. #OutBoastKanye"

"It's a fact that men make more money than women. That's why I became a man. Best decision of my life."

"I had a dream about you. You were storing my brain in a pickle jar in the fridge, and I only discovered it when I went to garnish my hamburger. Mindless and hungry, I was a US politician’s ideal voter."