#word-junkies

"When I make love, I make extra, and then I keep it in my pants pockets. Well, not all of it. I give an inappropriate amount to the tax collectors."

"I bleed ink for her, because her name is written on my heart. She’s the author of all the love I have to give."

"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."

"I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination."

"The scent of honeysuckle on a Florida spring night always reminds me of her. The memories of us bloom yellow in my mind."

"I’m giving a free concert tonight. Seating is limited, so bring your own toilet. While there is no admission price, if you bring 100 dollars, it’s like a roll of toilet paper."

"The world is a sad place today. I miss the good ol’ days. Gosh, why can’t I just go back to last weekend?"

"Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners."

"Quicksand is nature’s way of saying slow down. Me pushing you in quicksand is my way of saying be still and let me love you. Isn’t it funny how a lasso looks like a noose?"

"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."

"How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly."

"I want the gift of a guitar—no strings attached. I want your love to also have no strings attached—and be just as musical."

"If my last name were Hunter, I’d probably be a fisherman. That’s just the kind of lover I am."

"#Networking is people looking for people looking for people. As for me, I’m more of a birdwatcher."

"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."

"If you have a broken heart, I’d like to fix it. Repairs start at just $69. Special delivery charges may apply."

"I network like a Spanish Inquisitor. I am very good at extracting relevant information. And if you resist, you’ll only confirm your heresy."

"I predict that love will burst forth on the Fourth of July. That’s tomorrow, so I’d better prepare tonight for massive fireworks of the heart."

"30% of the time I am successful 70% of the time. That’s 100% in my book—a book that happens to have a page count that’s 21% Reduced Fat."

"We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs."