Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"

"I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery."

"The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see her again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell her I love her."

"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."

"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."