Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror."

"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."

"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."

"I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."