Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror."

"I want the gift of a guitar—no strings attached. I want your love to also have no strings attached—and be just as musical."

"We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf."

"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."

"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"My love is rare, like a hornless unicorn."

"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"When I make love, I make extra, and then I keep it in my pants pockets. Well, not all of it. I give an inappropriate amount to the tax collectors."

"We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment."

"Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel."

"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in."

"I gave her a broken watch, to symbolize that my love for her is forever and timeless. And as an excuse to why I’m always late."

"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."