Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"

"Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."

"I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."

"I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in."

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"Two butterflies in two socks could walk faster than I can run. A love song will jog your memory like I jog like Roger Bannister in a wheelchair."

"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"