Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."

"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."

"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."

"Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery."

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."

"My love is rare, like a hornless unicorn."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."