Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"Love isn’t all flowers, candles, and dancing midgets. No, it is much, much taller than all that."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."

"I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"If my last name were Hunter, I’d probably be a fisherman. That’s just the kind of lover I am."

"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."

"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."

"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."