Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"

"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."

"I’m always the last in love by exactly one person."

"I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love."

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."

"Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."

"You catch more flies with honey than you do with chopsticks. Let this be a lesson in love."

"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."

"I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror."