Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."

"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf."

"Love is silence multiplied by noise and divided by two."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of another person."

"You catch more flies with honey than you do with chopsticks. Let this be a lesson in love."

"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."

"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."

"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."

"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."

"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."

"The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see her again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell her I love her."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."