Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."

"I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"

"Two butterflies in two socks could walk faster than I can run. A love song will jog your memory like I jog like Roger Bannister in a wheelchair."

"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"Love is the best gift because it’s free to give and priceless to receive."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."