Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."

"We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us."

"Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."

"Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can."

"Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag."

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."

"You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car."

"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."

"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."