Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"Love isn’t all flowers, candles, and dancing midgets. No, it is much, much taller than all that."

"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."

"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."

"The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see her again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell her I love her."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."

"Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can."

"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."

"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."