#Funny

"Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously."

"I am the Anagram of Love. I’m not evil, but I am evol. I guess this also makes me the Palindrome of Love!"

"Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dancing partner. I'm a bring my own chaser kind of lover."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."

"However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be."

"A lot of people go searching for “Truth.” But they can’t be searching too hard, because very few of them ever think to look under my bed."

"Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. "Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I'm insane. You're crazy. Maybe that's why. We just make crazy together."

"Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings."

"Ow, Todd? Ow?"

"You've brushed your teeth,"He says, staring at me."I used your toothbrush."His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?"

"Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo."

"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."

"I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob."

"I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive."

"What were you thinking?"I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?"Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists."

"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"

"The funniest people are the saddest ones"

"I’m always the last in love by exactly one person."

"[Thine] face is not worth sunburning."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."