funny

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."

"Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right."

"Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose."

"If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence."

"I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100."

"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."

"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."

"aren't you, uh... reproducing?"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things."

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"In this world only the paranoid survive."

"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."

"I am your Prince and you will marry me,"Humperdinck said.Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse.""I am you Prince and you cannot refuse.""I am your loyal servant and I just did.""Refusal means death.""Kill me then."

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."

"I spend all my time trying to capture the moment. And when I do, I'll interrogate and torture it."

"Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless."

"I found your love like I found religion: in an aluminum trashcan in the middle of the Utah desert."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."

"My love is expansive. Your love is expensive."

"When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work."